You’re On Your Own, Kid: The Power of Persistence

My life completely changed when I had the ‘you’re on your own, kid’ realization at 19. I mean, I had known that for years before I was 19 years old, but it hadn’t really sank in; I just wasn’t old enough to process that kind of information yet. Throughout my teens, I struggled to accept this was all life had to offer. Surely the era of my parents’ divorce, and my eating disorders, and my anxious attachment to anyone who would give me attention, and my crippling depression, and horrific treatment from boys, and everything else thrown at me weren’t all life had to offer me. I had always wondered why someone or something hadn’t stepped in to help me - God or anything. It felt like my life was a dumpster fire and everyone just watched. Like damn someone could at least call the fire department to put this fire out?! Then I realized: I’m on my own.

I decided that if it was just going to be me, myself, and I at the end of the day, I probably needed to figure out how to make the most of it. “It” being this life, my goals, and my dreams. Nobody was coming to help me, and I accepted that. I realized it was going to take a lot of persistence to achieve those goals and dreams and better my life.

I put myself in circles of successful people, women business owners, professors, etc. I told myself I would observe and absorb and consume everything I could. I would do it without explanation. I knew eventually this would get me to the place I wanted to be: that one day I would also be the successful, knowledgeable, experienced business owner.

Since the start of high school, I’ve worked for 8 different companies, 5 women owned. I took bits and pieces of things from each; adding some of it to my someday stack and some of it to a never-would-I-ever pile. One boss actually asked me if I would ever start my own business, I paused and replied “no.” But the lie was white.

Entrepreneurship runs in my veins; I knew I would become a fourth-generation business owner, a first-generation woman business owner. Although it’s my great-grandfather’s headshot on the wall of TenBarge Seeds with “Founder” under his name, I know my great-grandmother was behind the success, too. I never met Stella, though I have her fur coat from the ‘30s. Those that knew her described her as a “bitch” but honestly I think she was probably just way ahead of her time. The fact that they started a business, a family, AND she rocked a mink fur coat during the fucking Great Depression tells me everything I need to know about her (and what I was destine to be.)

The first job I accepted out of college was for a small local advertising agency. The lead photographer tried mansplaining how to use a camera to me, knowing damn well I studied Journalism and Photography at WKU. I later realized that this job, which consisted of a lot of mainsplaining, earned me a salary much lower than my equal male colleague. I quit and persisted forward. I was meant for more.

I once had a boss ask what page of the website we should put our efforts into. When I said the About page, she said (and I repeat verbatim) “no body gives a fuck about that” and laughed off my ‘stupid’ suggestion. Yeah I mean fuck my marketing degree and experience in websites I guess, I built my first website at just 17 years old. Even a quick Google search would tell you that the About page is usually the most visited page after the homepage. Most of the time it is more visited than the freakin’ blog page. My eye twitched, but I persisted forward. I was meant for more.

My ex was a prosperous salesman. It didn’t take me long to observe that this was the same definition as an exceptional liar. It intrigued me to learn how the salesman mind works even at the fate of my own sanity and reality. I left taking more baggage than I originally had from yet another called-off engagement, but I persisted on. I was meant for more.

I spent 14 YEARS trying to find the reason for my chronic pain. It took 5 doctors, years of useless appointments with no one listening to me, lots of temporary fixes, a few ER visits, my left fallopian tube rupturing, and finally a new city with a new healthcare system to find out I had Endometriosis all along. In fact, I had stage 4 Endometriosis, the most severe. If I had not persisted, if I had not questioned every doctor, if I had not trusted my intuition…

Persistently choosing yourself in every aspect of life is a lot harder than it sounds. There’s a quote by David Foster Wallace that I relate to a little too much: “Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it.” Every job, every relationship, every friendship and everything else I have ever let go of has my claw marks on it. I may have held on to somethings a little too long, a little too hard. But in the end, I let go and continued persisting on.

The years of working late nights and early mornings and weekends and going the extra mile and choosing myself and standing up for myself even when I didn’t want to AND battling chronic health issues nearly sent me to a padded room, but again, I persisted. My (almost) husband told me he’s never met anyone with my work ethic, my determination, and overall desire for more in life despite the challenges I’ve faced. “Everything you lose is a step you take” replays in my head. I just knew I was meant for more.

As I reflect on this journey so far, I've come to understand that persistence isn’t just about pushing through the tough times; it's about embracing the lessons hidden within them. Each struggle has etched a mark on my soul, each setback has taught me resilience, and every moment of doubt has fueled my determination to move forward.

To anyone reading this who finds themselves in a similar place of uncertainty, I want to remind you: the power to change your narrative lies within you. Read that line again. Persistently choose yourself every single day, even when it feels impossible, even when you don’t want to, even when you’re worried what others will think of it. Accomplishing persistence is all the same, no matter your end journey goal; mine just happens to be entrepreneurship.

This chapter of mine has been defined by courage, entrepreneurial spirit, the unwavering belief that I am meant for more, relentlessness and a whole lot of persistence.

This blog was inspired by our client Someday Apparel Co.’s newest collection and the quote “Nevertheless, she persisted.”